World Fathers Union Press

World Fathers Union Press Coordinator wrote:


The Father's Bulletin
A Newsletter for members of World Fathers Union
April 29, 2007

Greetings, Johns and Janes!
John X. here. Marketing weenies know this kind of thing instinctively, but for the rest of us, it sometimes takes a while.
What's the best way to keep people thinking about you?
Answer: You send them stuff in the mail.
At least, that's the stock answer, used by hack marketers who still believe that 'any publicity is good publicity,' even if it annoys the bejaysus out of the very people they're trying to reach. The post office version is junk mail; the electronic version we call SPAM. Both are an blight on humanity and tend to make the recipients want to run the sender through a meat grinder and flush the result down the can.
But, there's big difference between members of an organisation such as World Fathers Union and the victims of marketing slime-think at, say, Columbia Louse Video Club. For one thing, our members are never solicited to buy anything...and for another, we're a family, working together for mutual aid and support and to make the world a better place for our children.
With that as my heraldic device, I have managed to persuade the very proper John T. that an e-mail newsletter to our members doesn't qualify as Stupid Pernicious Advertising Material. This was a hard sell (if you saw how much spam John T. gets each day, you'd understand why) but I did it by shamelessly appealing to his ego. After all, one of the positive results of this new venture should be to get our members to visit the News Page a bit more often and admire all the work he does on it. (You can admire my contributions to the Father's News Browser while you're at it, if you like.)
In any event, we're pleased to present the first edition of our new Members' Newsletter, The Father's Bulletin. If you have any complaints, contributions, or suggestions, please e-mail me, John X. (If you want to say what a wonderful idea it is, e-mail John T.) I'm going to try to put this out at least once a month, weather-permitting. You'll get individual mailings in between issues when there is something special to report.
Technical note: Some e-mail programs do not support e-mail messages such as this one which call outside URLs to present images (or some users block that feature). If you are viewing this e-mail in text-only format, you may see it on the web with the missing graphic content by clicking here.
News from the Union
News about members, events, and activities at World Fathers Union


Project Announcements
The International Model Code of Family Justice
An important and wide-reaching law project is being undertaken by World Fathers Union.
The Union's International Model Code of Family Justice Project is a major, global effort to develop a model legal code, which, when completed in 2008, will present a codified family law system designed to be the standard against which all jurisdictions can measure their existing domestic relations statutes and rules of procedure.
Directing the project is John F. Smith. 'The first step,' he explained, 'is to determine the scope of the code. We will need to address all of the many complex issues which can give rise to disputes among the members of separating families. In the first draft of the project prospectus, we have defined 10 chapters.'
Among the issues presently in those chapters are Divorce, Custody, Child Support, Family Violence, Child Kidnapping, Contempt, and Enforcement, said John F. Smith.
'Other difficult issues need to be addressed as well,' he continued. 'Adoption and Consent issues are closely intertwined with Paternity, and the conflicts of rights in those areas must be resolved. And of course, there is the question of expert witnesses and intervenors. Family law is a very wide field, and we must not neglect any part of it, because so much of present family law is based on old ideas of adversarial justice. This is what we need to remedy.'
The Model Code will not treat only the issues which the parties bring before the courts, but it will also treat the way in which the courts and legal practitioners deal with them. Many fathers' movement critics feel that this is one of the most important aspects of the problems facing men seeking a fair hearing for their children.
'There will be individual chapters devoted to Rules of Procedure for Family Courts, and Ethical Conduct for Family Law Practitioners, ' said John F. Smith. 'There will also be a chapter specifically devoted to judges, referees, and what are known in some jurisdictions as "special masters."
'In sum,' said John F. Smith, 'the Model Code will be designed to provide absolutely equitable treatment of parents in all issues arising under its scope. But it will do something even more important: It will encourage parents to agree, by eliminating any advantage to them in disagreeing.'
Great emphasis will be placed on devising statues and rules which actively discourage parents from going to court in the first place. All perceived advantage which one spouse could hope to achieve through fighting a custody battle through the courts will be eliminated. Under the Model Code, there will be no monetary or control advantage to gaining custody--only an equitable division of responsibility and the parental authority necessary to fulfill it. Said John F. Smith, 'The Code will eliminate the destructive power games that fuel these disputes by apportioning the power evenhandedly. Neither father nor mother will have anything to gain by fighting...and everything to lose.'
'This,' he continued, 'is the essential ingredient lacking in all family law codes today. Divorce has become big business, an all-consuming industry, because current family law encourages parents to fight. It is an adversarial system, with built-in bonuses for the 'winner'. But what these codes fail to do is realise that the children are always the losers. That must be changed.'
Calls are currently being sent out to members, Institutional Affiliates, and individuals to participate in the process of creating the International Model Code of Family Justice. 'That is step two,' said John F. Smith. 'We will now assemble our working group. A new page will soon appear on the Union's website to describe the project in detail, and to enable interested parties to become part of the process.'
--John T.

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Project Spotlight: The First Report
This is a news item from last November, but it's still important.
November 23, 2006 marks an important milestone in the Union's Project SPOTLIGHT history. Our researchers have been working on the first study in the programme since early April of 2006, and the planning and design of the project began over six months before that. Now, finally, the first report is ready, and you can read it here on our website. A brief article about the report also appears on the News Page story index.
This is an important report, because the subject judge of the study is not just an ordinary family court judge, he is the Associate Chief Justice of the Superior Court of Quebec in Canada, a man with an extraordinary amount of power in that province.
Thanks go out to the entire research team: John T. for helping co-author the report; John P1 and John B. for helping read the seemingly endless list of court decisions; Dr. Jane K. and John CG for vetting the statistical work; and attorney-members John A. and John K. for their help in consolidating the legal aspects discussed in the introduction.
--John F.

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New Members and Affiliates
One of the Union's prime mandates is to united the fathers' movement worldwide. Our Institutional Affiliate program offers fathers' groups the opportunity to 'network' with others through the Union's information and press coordination services, while allowing them to retain full autonomy. Affiliates are identified on the Union's WORLDWIDE RESOURCES page by boldface type. We are please to welcome two new Institutional Affiliates this month.

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Berkshire Fatherhood Coalition
The Berkshire Fatherhood Coalition is a fathers' aid group in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, in the United States. Attorney and activist Rinaldo del Gallo III is the founder. The Coalition takes as its mandate 'to provide both members and non-members easy access to important legal information, free legal seminars, and up-to-date legal news.'

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Los Angeles Chapter, National Coalition of Free Men (NCFM-LA)
The Los Angeles Chapter of the National Coalition of Free Men joins the Affiliate list this month as well. NCFM's Los Angeles chapter, as part of a global men's movement for gender equality, raises awareness about and combats sexism against men in family courts, domestic violence policies, criminal sentencing, military conscription, media, education, public health policies and other areas, using public speaking, media, lawsuits, legislative advocacy, rallies, tabling and other activism tools. The group holds local meetings and also provides limited emergency advocacy and transport to a battered men's shelter. Marc Angelucci is President of the chapter.

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New 'Friends' Around the World
The Union often works with fathers groups which aren't yet Affiliates, and also with specialised advocate organisations around the world which deal with narrow gender issues affecting fathers and children. Such organisations can provide valuable information for fathers on specific legal, medical, or psychological issues. This month, we have worked with two such organisations to help spread the word on important issues and events.

Figli Negati ("Children Denied") is an Italian fathers organisation, part of the larger group Armata di Papi ("The Fathers' Army"). Giorgio Ceccarelli is in charge of this very active and energetic organisation, which has produced two major demonstrations in Rome in the last month. We hope to welcome Figli Negati as an Affiliate very soon.

RADAR ("Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting") is a specialised advocacy group working to promote fairness and accuracy in domestic abuse law. This month the Union became one of a number of international signatories to a RADAR organised initiative to block the I_VAWA bill currently before the United States Senate.
New member roster
The Union is pleased to welcome John AA Smith (CAN), John A2 Smith (USA), John RB Smith, and John 98 Smith (?) as new members this week.

The Father's Daily Press Clips
Top stories from the Union's NEWS PAGE


If you don't visit the Union's NEWS PAGE frequently, you're missing out on a vast amount of important information and commentary for fathers all over the planet. John T. and I post new stories almost every day, and we update the departments weekly or more often with the kind of opinion and analysis you need to keep yourself informed. Remember, if you don't know what's happening to other fathers, you can't use it to help your own case.
Please note that some of the links below will only bring up the stories themselves; they will not bring up our entire News Page. John F. tells me that there's a long-winded technical explanation for that, but since I don't understand it, I'm not going to try to repeat it. Just use one of the links at the bottom of each story page to bring up the rest of the site if you want to read more.

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There's no doubt that the Alec Baldwin affair has made the news in a big way. Normally, we keep the trashy celebrity divorces out of the hard news index (although I have been known to slide one into the News Browser from time to time since they offer so many lovely opportunities for the sort of snide jabs in which we serious journalists aren't normally supposed to indulge)--but this one's an exception because, as a result of Baldwin's supersonic boom at his alienated daughter treating him like a non-entity, the real argument over parental alienation and what that does to a man is finally getting some ink from the more thinking members of the press. Even John T. thought this one worthy of a bit of coverage, and you'll find a story from Newsweek, Baldwin Speaks Up on the news page index, as well as a couple of items in the News Browser about some very good coverage on ABC News.
The big deal, apparently, is that some men's organisations and commentators have had the temerity to defend Baldwin's conduct, which, although caused by the frustration attendant on having had his daughter alienated against him, is on the face of it just too damned easy to call 'inexcusable' or 'unforgivable' . So in that way, Alec hasn't done us--or himself--any favours. But Glenn Sacks has been quoted as remarking that in the long run, this affair will probably do more good than harm. "I think it'll give a lot of men in the same position the courage to fight back."

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In Australia, things seem to be changing for the better in family court. At least that's the gist of a long and thoughtful examination of family law reform, one year after. The Quiet Revolution, from Australia's The Age, talks about how the new laws, which went into effect last July 1st, have started to change the Australian family court system from an adversarial venue to a place where, just possibly, someone might actually be able to solve a problem. That's a radical thought, but according to quite a few commentators, it seems to be working. Fathers groups in Australia are generally pleased with the changes; some women's groups are not, especially with the clause that awards costs against anyone found guilty of having knowingly made false allegations against their partner. While that may or may not say something about women's tactics, one female family law barrister opined that she 'doesn't know what happened to the women's movement during the inquiry [which preceded the law project's institution] , but it took its eye off the ball.'

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Two stories about a New Zealand father whose complaint to the United Nations Human Rights Committee has born fruit are also currently running on the News Page. Father denied justice by NZ courts, says UN, from the New Zealand Herald, and UN slams delays in Kiwi child access case from Stuff.co.nz both relate the story of a father who was groundlessly accused of child sexual abuse by his children's mother--and never charged by the police--but who spent close to three and a half years fighting it through to the appeals court. He's now lost access to his daughters and is still fighting for access to his son. But the UNHRC says the delays in police investigations and court proceedings have denied him a fair trial and violate Article 14(1) of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, which was signed by the NZ government in 1979. The present government now has 90 days to answer this charge.

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The Myriam Bédard International Child Abduction story coming out of Canada has been in the shadows since early this year, while everyone waited for the justice system to catch up. (If you've missed the beginning of this one, see John T.'s editorial, 'Celebrity, how fickle is thy fancy,' or go to the December Archives to get the stories about her arrest in the U.S. for international child abduction from Canada.) But now that a brief hearing on the merits of the charge have been laid, a few stories have turned up again, even one in the People's Daily from China. John T. ran that one, because it contained more details than the domestic versions of the wire reports.
The story is interesting because it has a few weird elements to it. For one thing, it began with the usual 'sorry pal we don't enforce custody orders' line from the cops. Only becaused Bédard is a household name (in Canada, at least) with enough beef to get the press on the case were the police finally nudged into doing their policely duty for the father. For another, when Bédard was finally arrested in the US and incarcerated, she faced the possibility of a long procedural wait in jail while the extradition papers were processed... but the RCMP in Canada obligingly went and got her after only a week or so. Finally, once she got back here, she somehow managed to wind up with full custody of their daughter even while she was out on bail for child abduction. Weirdest of all, her bail conditions included a requirement that she be supervised at all times when in contact with the child. Figure that out if you can....

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There's also been a lot of ink and electrons spent on pizza recently. Yes, pizza. Everyone from Glenn Sacks to yours truly has taken a whack at the Butler County (Ohio) Child Support Enforcement department and their 'Most Wanted' pizza-box stickers depicting so-called 'deadbeat dads'. The issue made national television in the U.S., as well as the AP wire, CNN, and who knows how many local papers which picked it up. My contribution is buried about seven items down in the current edition of The Father's News Browser. Glenn Sacks handled it on his blog but we've archived it here. Considering the Butler County authorities only managed to convince three pizza parlours to cooperate, there was what one might call a 'disproportionate amount' of press coverage...but then, if nothing else is sacred to the American psyche, pizza is. Yeah, that must be it....

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Since we're talking about child support, I ought to mention another recent story: This one's truly frightening. In Allentown, Pennsylvania, a man on a work-release program who'd been jailed for child support he couldn't pay, was shot dead by police while he was trying to kill himself because he couldn't bear to be returned to prison. One cop shot him twice--in the back--according to the story; his partner just stared at him and screamed, 'What the F*** are you doing?'. This one bothers me a lot, not only because we've 'lost' another father to the system, but because the press reports concentrated on the police-brutality aspect and only mentioned in passing the reason the guy hauled out a box-cutter to slash his own throat. The story we ran is from the Allentown (PA) Morning Call; click here to see it.

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There's lots more on the News Page, and new stories are added almost every day. Right-click this link and add it to your Favourites or better yet, make it the home page for your web browser. Keeping up with what's happening to fathers everywhere is important. You never know when some other father's story will give you the vital piece of information you've been waiting for.
John X. Smith, Associate Editor
World Fathers Union News Page

A day may come when the courage of men fails...
But it is not this day.


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World Fathers Union is an all-volunteer research and outreach NGO. We work to foster cooperation and unity amongst fathers-aid groups worldwide working for equity in the family courts of all nations. We do statistical research, compilation, and analysis of trends in social and legislative policy affecting fathers and children, and we provide outreach programs to fathers and children in distress worldwide. Membership in the Union is free, anonymous, and open to everyone.
World Fathers Union, P.O. Box 278, Yarmouth, Nova Scotia B5A 4B2. www.worldfathersuni on.com

Thank God that Judge Boshier is thinking about mediation

30 Apr 2007

The Prinicipal Family Court Judge says it's inevitable that a mediation system will be set up for separated families to sort out their differences without a judge needing to be present.

Policymakers are considering the results of a Family Mediation Pilot, which which began in 2005 and finished last June in Christchurch, North Shore, Hamilton and Porirua.

It allowed parents to work through disputes without the time pressures imposed by the court system. Children took part in only 6% of the cases.

Judge Peter Boshier says that if the system is to be introduced, it must be made absolutely clear that agreements reached through mediation will be final and legally binding.

He says he hopes people will be encouraged to take part by the fact that a judge is not presiding over the case.

Copyright © 2007 Radio New Zealand


Steve Bayliss
F4J Wales-Cymru

Bringing Dads From Around The World.....Together

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Batman

Piggy dearest it's International PAS day .

Piggy dearest
April 28, 2007


Alec Baldwin and his daughter, Ireland.
Photo: AP

A special day places the spotlight on the sort of parenting skills associated with your average celebrity, writes Raymond Gill.

DID YOU KNOW that last Wednesday was an important national day? Not Anzac Day. That's fine and all. Soldiers and stuff, but, you know, time to move on.

More importantly, it was also the day marked in countries around the world as Parental Alienation Awareness Day. To be more specific it was the Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting Awareness Day (PA-HAPAD).

It may sound like some kind of rights group invented by a scriptwriter for the purposes of an emotionally manipulative and politically worthy movie of the week, but no, this is real life founded by the appropriately named Sarvy Emo in the US - obviously.

Parental Alienation is a condition considered by the Parental Alienation Awareness Association to be a form of child abuse whereby children - whatever their age, even 58 - have been emotionally manipulated by one parent to get at another. This is the case where one of their (divorced or divorcing) parents is a selfish, manipulative, lunatic - so that accounts for statistically 90 per cent of all divorces.

In the US the heartbreak this syndrome causes runs particularly deep, because - as we know from TV and movies - it deprives Americans the inalienable right to blubber: "Daddy/Mommy I Looove You!!!!" each time they get into the Hummer to hit the shopping mall.

PA-HAPAD in Australia this week was, according to http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com, marked with "posting flyers and putting advertisements in local papers" while, in Canada, activists blanketed a fence in Yellowknife "by hanging three plywood signs that read: Stop Parental Alienation".

In the US it was a much, much bigger deal as victims' stories of PA syndrome were unleashed across the media.

This second annual PA-HAPAD might not have the attention it deserved if not for the Alec Baldwin incident last weekend when the actor called his 11-year-old daughter Ireland a "thoughtless little pig" in a phone message that you can now download as a ringtone on your phone, or hear as the really cool "Alec Baldwin Father of the Year Mega-Mix" on www.liquidgeneration.com.

As the PAA website reminds us, the "selfish, vindictive and malicious actions by the alienating parent" leaves its victims "disturbed, confused, frightened and robbed of their sense of security and safety". The really nasty parent is never you of course but the manipulative, money-grubbing monster with whom you are locked in a custody battle. Which for Alec happens to be his ex, actress Kim Basinger, who last time anyone checked in on her was lying on the floor in front of a fridge eating strawberries off Mickey Rourke in 9 1/2 Weeks.

While Americans, it seems, are quite relaxed about the effects of handguns and small rockets, not to mention eating fruit off the floor, they will not tolerate parents scolding their children. While they are willing to forgive Mel Gibson for anti-Semitic rantings, calling a brat a brat is verboten.

All week, US blogs and websites have gone ballistic as the country takes he-said-she-said sides over whether Kimbo or Alec is the bigger pig in the issue but where does this leave the piggy in the middle, little Ireland?

For some, Alec's outburst was - as any self-respecting children's rights organisation will declare - completely inappropriate. But as anyone will know who has supplied a 12-year-old with an expensive mobile phone that somehow is never audible or charged, or on the child when you want to talk to them, or has been programmed with a ringtone alerting the kid the call is from a parent they don't want to talk to, then "pig" is a relatively mild term, in fact it's almost a term of endearment.

Alec Baldwin could not get through to his child, literally or figuratively and Kimmy was too busy Fed-Exing her answering machine tape to gossip website TMZ.com to help. Life sure is tough for "slebs" who are judged so much more harshly than mortals.

It's perhaps the patron saint of all celebrity parents, Joan Crawford, who was most vilified - posthumously - for her parenting skills courtesy of the Mommie Dearest tell-all. But did anyone ever stop to think that wooden coathangers are better than wire ones?

Gone Fishing

Myths and facts about domestic violence

NZ - Care of Children Bill Section 52 - Procedure for dealing with proceedings cases involving violence.
(1)“Nothing requires the Court to make any inquiries on its own initiative in order to make a determination on the allegation.
(2) If the Court us satisfied that a party to proceedings (the violent party) has used violence against the child then the Court must not make
(a) an order giving the violent party the role of providing day –to-day care for the child to whom the proceedings relate ;or
(b) any order allowing the violent party contact ( other than supervised contact ) with that child .

I was never violent to my two alienated daughters however six years later I stare out the window asking myself – how could this happen? RIP mum as my nightmare was too much pain for her to endure so she left this evil and twisted planet.

This is an interesting article from Mothers4Justice friends I have in England.

Myths and facts about domestic violence
There are many common myths that surround domestic violence. Here we try to separate fact from fiction.
Myth: "It's just a domestic tiff. All couples have them."

Fact: Violence by a man against the woman he lives with commonly includes rape, punching or hitting her, pulling her hair out, threatening her with a gun or a knife or even attempting to kill her. Often women who have been abused will say that the violence is not the worst of their experiences - it's the emotional abuse that goes with it.
Emotional abuse can include controlling the woman, possibly depriving her of money, clothes, food or sleep. He may try to isolate her from her friends, family and support networks, not letting her use the telephone or may even lock her in her home. Constant criticism is common - constantly telling her she is ugly, stupid or useless.
Between one or two women are killed by their violent partners or an ex-partner in England and Wales every week.
There is no place for physical, sexual or emotional abuse in a healthy relationship.
"The physical harm, although awful, was often over in minutes - but the mental and emotional abuse never went away - it was there 24 hours a day."

Myth: "It can't be that bad or she'd leave."

Fact: Women stay in violent relationships for reasons ranging from love to terror. There are also practical reasons why women stay; they may be afraid of the repercussions if they attempt to leave, they may be afraid of becoming homeless, they may worry about losing their children. They may fear poverty and isolation.
Some women have experienced domestic violence just don't have the confidence to leave. They may be frightened of being alone, particularly if their partner has isolated them from friends and family. It can be very tempting to return to him. She might decide to go back because the children are really missing their dad, or because she is frightened and insecure and is not getting enough support. Some women believe that their partners will change and that everything will be fine when they go home.
"The kids were really missing their dad, they didn't understand why we had to leave, we had no money, we were living in a lousy bed and breakfast, so we went home to try again."

Myth: "Domestic Violence only happens in working class families."

Fact: Anyone can be abused. Domestic violence is not confined to working class or so-called problem families. It happens to urban and rural communities, in high rise estates and middle class suburbs, in white and in ethnic minority families. Any woman can be abused, regardless of her age. She might be any of the women you have come into contact with: your sister, your daughter, your mother, your friend, your colleague or your neighbour.
Domestic violence crosses all boundaries, whether social, economic, professional, religious or cultural.

Myth: "They must come from violent backgrounds."

Fact: Many men who are violent towards their families or their partner come from families with no history of violence. Many families in which violence occurs do not produce violent men. The family is not the only formative influence on behaviour. Blaming violence on men's experience can offer men who abuse an excuse for their own behaviour, but it denies the experiences of the majority of individual survivors of abuse who do not go on to abuse others.
A violent man is responsible for his own actions and has a choice in how he behaves.
"It's not really his fault - his father used to beat him."

Myth: "She must ask for it/deserves it/provokes it."

Fact: No one 'deserves' being beaten or emotionally tortured, least of all by someone who says they love you. Prolonged exposure to violence can have the effect of making the woman believe that she deserves to be hurt. It distorts confidence and some women may start to rationalise their partner's behaviour. Often, the only provocation has been that she has simply asked for money for food, not had a meal ready on time or been on the telephone too long.
Women often blame themselves because they have been consistently told that the violence is all their fault.
There is no justification for violence.
"I went off sex, after the kids, I was often too tired - but he didn't understand, I can't really blame him for raping me."
"He said I was a lousy housekeeper, not at all like his mother."

Myth: "My partner is only violent to me - he never harms my children."

Fact: 1 in 3 abused children show a history of violence to their mother. Over a third of Childline callers said their mother's partner had also abused them or their brothers and sisters. Witnessing or hearing violence has been shown to have a range of long term effects on children including guilt, shame, underachievement at school, terror, aggressive behaviour, low self-esteem, bedwetting, eating disorders, depression and insecurity. A third of children present try and intervene to protect mothers thus putting themselves at risk of physical harm.

Myth: "My children do not know about the violence."

Fact: Even very young children remember their fear of witnessing violence in later years. Babies may show poor health, be irritable, cry a lot and have sleep problems, which get better once removed from the violent situation. Many children recall overhearing abuse and have said that not knowing if their mother was alive was more distressing than directly witnessing the violence. They sometimes felt guilty for not intervening to stop the violence.

Myth: "If social services find out about the violence in my home, they will take my children away."

Fact: Whilst it is true that social services will want to make sure your children are safe, only a very small number of children are made the subject of care orders and removed. Social workers will not take your children away if they can work with you to make sure they are safe.

Myth: "It is wrong take children away from their father."

Fact: Fathers play an important role in children's lives, but children also need to be safe. Research studies found that in 40% to 60% of cases where women were abused, the same man also abused the children. 76% of children ordered by the courts to have contact with violent parents continue to be abused.

Myth: "If I leave, my children and I will be homeless."

Fact: There are hundreds of refuge services throughout Britain that can provide temporary accommodation for you and your children. They can also assist you in finding alternative permanent or emergency housing or help you to remain in or reclaim your own home.

Thanks for the use of their material to Women's Aid Federation of England, who work to end violence against women and children.

How Personality Disorders Drive Family Court Litigation

Family Court is perfectly suited to the fantasies of someone with a
personality disorder: There is an all-powerful person (the judge) who will
punish or control the other spouse. The focus of the court process is
perceived as fixing blame - and many with personality disorders are experts
at blame. There is a professional ally who will champion their cause (their
attorney - or if no attorney, the judge). A case is properly prepared by
gathering statements from allies - family, friends, and professionals.
(Seeking to gain the allegiance of the children is automatic - they too are
seen as either allies or enemies. A simple admonition will not stop this.)
Generally, those with personality disorders are highly skilled at - and
invested in - the adversarial process. The lying custodial family who stole my children six years ago are consummate liars and surprise, surprise -no access to my children is in place !! I got another appointment in the Kangaroo de - family court - May 1st - to try and get some access ? I have tried to make contact to my daughters through the previous 150 odd court appearances.
The court is a sick joke and I expect to be fobbed off yet again by the filthy conniving judges !! Why all the lies , no wonder I feel vitriolic !!

http://www.dadsdivorce.com/news/artdet.php/11638.html

How Personality Disorders Drive Family Court Litigation
By William A. Eddy, LCSW, Esq.

I was first exposed to the concept of personality disorders in 1980 when I
was in training as a therapist at the San Diego Child Guidance Clinic at
Childrens Hospital. The DSM-III had just come out and Axis II of the five
diagnostic categories required the therapist to diagnose the presence or
absence of a personality disorder. (The current DSM-IV uses the same
approach.) I quickly learned (often the hard way) that the presenting
problems on Axis I (e.g. depression, substance abuse) were simply replaced
by new ones, if an underlying personality disorder was not addressed in
therapy.

Now that I have completed five years as a family law attorney, I have
frequently witnessed the same underlying issues in hotly contested family
court litigation - yet these remain undiagnosed and, therefore,
misunderstood. As those with personality disorders generally view
relationships from a rigid and adversarial perspective, it is inevitable
that a large number end up in the adversarial process of court. Since more
flexible and cost-conscious people nowadays are resolving their divorces in
mediation, attorney-assisted negotiation, or just by themselves, those
cases remaining in litigation may be increasingly driven by personality
disorders.

The Nature of a Personality Disorder

Someone with a personality disorder is usually a person experiencing
chronic inner distress (for example fear of abandonment), which causes
self-sabotaging behavior (such as seeking others who fear abandonment),
which causes significant problems (such as rage at any perceived hint of
abandonment) - in their work lives and/or their personal lives. They may
function quite well in one setting, but experience chaos and repeated
problems in others. They look no different from anyone else, and often
present as very attractive and intelligent people. However, it is usually
after you spend some time together - or observe them in a crisis - that the
underlying distress reaches the surface.

As interpersonal distress, fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for
control are predominant symptoms of personality disorders, they place a
tremendous burden on a marriage. Therefore, intense conflicts will
eventually arise in their marriages and the divorce process will also be a
very conflictual process. In contrast to people who are simply distressed
from going through a divorce (over 80% are recovering significantly after 2
years), people with personality disorders grew up very distressed. It is
the long duration of their dysfunction (since adolescence or early
adulthood) which meets the criteria of a personality disorder.

Usually they developed their personality style as a way of coping with
childhood abuse, neglect or abandonment, an emotionally lacking household,
or simply their biological predisposition. While this personality style may
have been an effective adaptation in their "family of origin," in adulthood
it is counter-productive. The person remains stuck repeating a narrow range
of interpersonal behaviors to attempt to avoid this distress.

A personality disorder does not usually go away except in a corrective
on-going relationship - such as several years in a counseling relationship.
Until then, the person may constantly seek a corrective experience through
a series of unsatisfying relationships, through their children, or through
the court process. In a sense, untreated personality disorders don't fade
away - they just change venue.

Personality Disorders Appearing in Family Court

Probably the most prevalent personality disorder in family court is
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) - more commonly seen in women. BPD
may be characterized by wide mood swings, intense anger even at benign
events, idealization (such as of their spouse - or attorney) followed by
devaluation (such as of their spouse - or attorney).

Also common is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - more often seen in
men. There is a great preoccupation with the self to the exclusion of
others. This may be the vulnerable type, which can appear similar to BPD,
causing distorted perceptions of victimization followed by intense anger
(such as in domestic violence or murder, for example the San Diego case of
Betty Broderick). Or this can be the invulnerable type, who is detached,
believes he is very superior and feels automatically entitled to special
treatment.

Histrionic Personality Disorder also appears in family court, and may have
similarities to BPD but with less anger and more chaos. Anti-social
Personality Disorder includes an extreme disregard for the rules of society
and very little empathy. (A large part of the prison population may have
Anti-social Personality Disorder.)

Dependent Personality Disorder is common, but usually is preoccupied with
helplessness and passivity, and is rarely the aggressor in court - but
often marries a more aggressive spouse, sometimes with a personality disorder.

Cognitive Distortions and False Statement

Because of their history of distress, those with personality disorders
perceive the world as a much more threatening place than most people do.
Therefore, their perceptions of other people's behavior is often distorted
- and in some cases delusional. Their world view is generally adversarial,
so they often see all people as either allies or enemies in it. Their
thinking is often dominated by cognitive distortions, such as:
all-or-nothing thinking, emotional reasoning, personalization of benign
events, minimization of the positive and maximization of the negative. They
may form very inaccurate beliefs about the other person, but cling rigidly
to those beliefs when they are challenged - because being challenged is
usually perceived as a threat.

People with personality disorders also appear more likely to make false
statements. Because of the thought process of a personality disorder, the
person experiences interpersonal rejection or confrontation much more
deeply than most people. Therefore the person has great difficulty healing
and may remain stuck in the denial stage, the depression stage, or the
anger stage of grief - avoiding acceptance by trying to change or control
the other person.

Lying may be justified in their eyes - possibly to bring a reconciliation.
(This can be quite convoluted, like the former wife who alleged child
sexual abuse so that her ex-husband's new wife would divorce him and he
would return to her - or so she seemed to believe.) Or lying may be
justified as a punishment in their eyes. Just as we have seen that an angry
spouse may kill the other spouse, it is not surprising that many angry
spouses lie under oath. There is rarely any consequence for this, as family
court judges often believe the truth cannot be known - or that both are lying.

Projection

Just as an active alcoholic or addict blames others for their substance
abuse, those with personality disorders are often preoccupied with other
people's behavior while avoiding any examination of their own behavior.
Just as a movie projector throws a large image on a screen from a hidden
booth, those with personality disorders project their internal conflicts
onto their daily interactions - usually without knowing it. All the world
is a stage - including court.

It is not uncommon in family court declarations for one with a personality
disorder to claim the other party has characteristics which are really
their own ("he's manipulative and falsely charming" or "she's hiding
information and delaying the process"), and do not fit the other party.
Spousal abusers claim the other is being abusive. Liars claim the other is
lying. (One man who knew he was diagnosed with a Narcissistic Personality
Disorder claimed his wife also had an NPD simply because she liked to shop.)

How Family Court Fits Personality Disorders

Family Court is perfectly suited to the fantasies of someone with a
personality disorder: There is an all-powerful person (the judge) who will
punish or control the other spouse. The focus of the court process is
perceived as fixing blame - and many with personality disorders are experts
at blame. There is a professional ally who will champion their cause (their
attorney - or if no attorney, the judge). A case is properly prepared by
gathering statements from allies - family, friends, and professionals.
(Seeking to gain the allegiance of the children is automatic - they too are
seen as either allies or enemies. A simple admonition will not stop this.)
Generally, those with personality disorders are highly skilled at - and
invested in - the adversarial process.

Those with personality disorders often have an intensity that convinces
inexperienced professionals - counselors and attorneys - that what they say
is true. Their charm, desperation, and drive can reach a high level in this
very emotional, bonding process with the professional. Yet this intensity
is a characteristic of a personality disorder, and is completely
independent from the accuracy of their claims.

What Can Be Done

Judges, attorneys, and family court counselors need to be trained in
identifying personality disorders and how to treat them. Mostly, a
corrective on-going relationship is needed - preferably with a counselor.
However, they usually must be ordered into this because their belief
systems include a life-time of denial and avoidance of self-reflection.

In California, for example, Family Code Section 3190 allows the court to
order up to one year of counseling for parents, if: "(1) The dispute
between the parents or between a parent and the child poses a substantial
danger to the best interest of the child. [or] (2)The counseling is in the
best interest of the child." Even short-term counseling can help.

Therapists, in addition to being supportive, need to help clients challenge
their own thinking: about their own role in the dispute; about the accuracy
of their view of the other party; and about their high expectations of the
court. Further, therapists should never form clinical opinions or write
declarations about parties they haven't interviewed.

Likewise, attorneys need to also challenge their clients' thinking and not
accept their declarations at face value. More time should be spent
educating them to focus on negotiating solutions, rather than escalating
blame. As it applies to California, the court should make greater use of
sanctions under Family Code Section 271 for parties and attorneys who
refuse to negotiate and unnecessarily escalate the conflict and costs of
litigation.

The court must realize that the parties are often not equally at fault. One
or both parties may have a personality disorder, but that does not
necessarily mean both are offenders (violent, manipulative, or lying). A
non-offending, dependent spouse may truly need the court's assistance in
dealing with the offender. The court should not be neutralized by mutual
allegations without looking deeper. Otherwise, because of their personality
style, the most offending party is often able to continue their offender
behavior - either by matching the other's true allegations for a neutral
outcome, or by being the most skilled at briefly looking good and thereby
receiving the court's endorsement.

The court is in a unique position to motivate needed change in personal
behavior. In highly contested cases, counseling or consequences should be
ordered. Professionals and parties must work together to fully diagnose and
treat each person's underlying problems, rather than allowing the parties
(and their advocates) to become absorbed in an endless adversarial process.
Because their largest issues are internal, they will never be resolved in
court.

Related Website: http://www.eddylaw.com/