Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Kids must come first in custody battles

Quote "Too often the children are used as pawns as parents try to inflict pain on each other."

Sadly my children were "used  as pawns" in a sick family court gravy train for over seven painful years. The lawyers and psychologists done very nicely, because they put the blood money first. They said, stuff the truth, which let down the children. The sinister and corrupt police dished me out plenty of unnecessary "pain".   Well done you cruel and greedy animals, my mother died a heartbroken paternal grand mother and the damage to my children is now severe. No help now the truth is evident you filthy snakes. Where are the child counsel lawyers now I have custody you low life two faced scum ? The family court has turned its back on my children now ! They don't care about the ruined kids !! No wonder fathers view the family court as the evil cess pit where lies and false allegations cannot be challenged much to the detriment of the children.

Kids must come first in custody battles

PARENTING: Equal parenting is a goal worth pursuing but only if both parents are fit to share custody

Mon, February 9, 2009




More than any other subject I've written about, the topic of fathers' rights has generated the most response.

In 2006, I penned a special report on fathers' struggles to get access to their children. To this day, I still receive e-mails about that series. The Internet has spread it far and wide.

Some of the mail is from distraught fathers; others from organizations working for equal parenting rights. Some are from Europe; most are from North America.

I recently received a phone call from a man who said he was in England. Originally from the U.S., he had contacted an underground railroad of sorts that took him through Canada and then into Europe where he was to start a new life. He no longer trusted the founder of this "railroad," operated through the Planetary Alliance for Fathers in Exile, and wanted him exposed. I won't go into detail about the circumstances of this father in England because his story, like many, is long and complicated.

Stories of perjury, accusations of abuse and mounting legal fees are the norm in many of the stories that cross my desk. Some of these stories are from men right here in London. The most frustration comes from dealing with the courts.

Recently, a Vancouver Island man lost custody of his children because he informed the courts that his ex-wife was punishing the kids by spanking them with a kitchen spatula, which is illegal. "The use of an instrument to discipline a child is unacceptable under any circumstances," the judge said. But he then told the man he shouldn't have tattled on his wife, but discussed the matter with her.

It's hard to have a rational discussion when, as the courts heard, the two parents "hate each other." The judge also said the children had grown bitter toward their father, but he didn't believe the bitterness was caused by parental alienation.

Fathers' Rights groups are lobbying Parliament to change the Divorce Act to ensure equal parenting is something our courts strive for.

Dennis Valenta, a Clinton man who recently opened an office in that town to advocate for fathers, has just launched a commerical on a local radio station calling for legislation that would make equal access a goal.

There is a London group called Not All Dads are Deadbeats that held its first meeting last week. It wants to create more awareness about the need for equal parenting. This is a goal worth pursuing, but only if both parents are fit to share custody. Children benefit from having two loving parents in their life.

Ultimately it will still be up to the courts to decide who is fit and who isn't and that may mean leaving some parents, both male and female, out of the picture.

Sometimes people within the system are simply out to take money from couples in the process of divorce and arranging custody. The antagonism often increases once the courts are involved. As angry as people are at their ex-spouses, in cases where both have had nurturing relationships with the children, moms and dads should set aside their scraps and come up with an arrangement that is best for the kids -- not what is best for themselves.

Too often the children are used as pawns as parents try to inflict pain on each other. Everyone loses when that happens.

It's hard to have a rational discussion when, as the courts heard, the two parents 'hate each other.'

1 comment:

Ex-fathers said...

Rumleski misses the point completely

This idea that somehow when we say, "Kids must come first in custody battles" the world will be a better place, totally misses the point that that attitude is exactly why we have the horror stories such as D4J's, along with the multitudes of other ones -- some worse and some not as bad. The wording is trite. Every court in the Western World says it makes its decisions in the best interest of the child. Yet, they screw up the child, and at least one parent routinely. Any court that can not reach a just, and equal solution for all three parties -- the two parents and child -- is not worthy of the assignment.

Equal Parenting:

o Promotes true gender equality. Both parents are recognized as equal contributors to the child’s development.

o Significantly reduces conflicts in court. Neither parent need to feel that they are being treated as a visitor with their own children.

o Creates less financial hardship for separating families. The high cost of fighting in court is removed as both parents know that equal parenting will be awarded by the courts.

o Reduces the financial incentive for families to break up. Fights to get control over the children in order to get support payments is one of the largest single factors in court custody battles today.

o Reduces child access problems. When both parents know that they have a reasonable share of the time with their children, then they are not so motivated to fight. The best way to achieve peace is to have a fair agreement.

o Respects the child. The child is not separated from any parent just because the parent’s are no longer together. The child’s future as a parent is more secure seeing the parental role being validated for both mothers and fathers.

Equal parenting solutions will also significantly reduce the abuse of legal system through the use of false allegations.
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