by Patrick Moreno
Often times, especially when a relationship ends, there is animosity on one or both parties involved. It is rare when both parties amicably split and maintain a healthy friendship. What we need to understand is that there is hope and only WE are responsible for our feelings. If you analyze this further, we maintain total control over the emotions that we have. Although there are times when we seem that we are out of control, ultimately WE are the ones that take charge and change the things that can be changed. According to the American Psychological Association it is natural to feel anger, especially when it comes to our children. The good news is that anger is something that we can take control of and learn to change our ways of thinking. It is not a disease and it does not have to hinder our lives.
One of the methods that we are able to control our anger is to listen twice as much as we speak. Many times in communication we find ourselves only hearing the parts of communication which we want to hear and do not receive the entire message. Take the time to listen first. Second, if you find yourself feeling anger, do not speak what you are thinking until you have an opportunity to analyze what your options are. Many times we speak from emotion and the message we send to the person which we are communicating is unclear and the issue(s) continue to exist.
Remember that WE need to make good decisions and changes in our lives for the better of our children. Children pick up your emotions from observational learning. There is hope for change when it comes to managing your emotions and it is something that will better your future; more importantly for your children. Instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Unknown. (2009). Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You [Anger Management]. Retrieved December 5, 2009, from American Psychological Association http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html Web site: http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html
About the author: Patrick Moreno is a advocate for a equal rights parenting group as well as PAAwareness organization. He is the father of a two year old son and studies family law in Cedar Falls Iowa. He enjoys helping other parents who have encountered the challenges of alienation as well as giving opportunities for education within the court system to those who are financially indigent. In his free time he enjoys spending time with his son.