Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Adopt a terrorist

Take  a minute to read this... it's quite humorous!

  A female Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to  the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents  (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan  National Correctional System facilities.

She received the following reply:

National Defence Headquarters
 M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg,  15 NT
 101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ONK1A 0K2

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your  profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured  by Canadian Forces - who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan  Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National  Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your  opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .
You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of  citizens like yourself; we are creating a new Department here at the  Department of National Defence, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility  for Killers' program, or L.A..R.K.  For short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we  have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and is  scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him  Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded  in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant  caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards  of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in  your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we  hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal  problem " will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as  mere cultural differences.
We understand that you plan to offer counselling, home  schooling and a daily copy of The Toronto  Star.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand  combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or  nail clippers.
We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these  skills at your next yoga group.
He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive  devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items  locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters  (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he  has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply  with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by  the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his  culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when  folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for  our fellow man.

You take good care of Ahmed - and remember we'll be  watching..
Good luck and God bless you.


Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense

No comments: