Men Are Just Happier People. What do you expect from such simple
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You can tell your children all about the birds, bees and that money ain't grow on trees.
You can become a philosopher if your marriage fails.
You can climb Mount Everest if you want too.
Your house can feel like a motel and you feel like a on call - get here now taxi service - for your teenage daughters.
You can pay all the Ministry of Justice speeding fines and penalty add on's after the kids take the car for a quick spin without your knowledge.
You can boot the cat everytime you see your criminal prime minister on your stolen TV set .
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress-$5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
You can walk down the street with a big bunch of flowers and all the women wish .
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and rocket propelled grenade launchers.
You can watch the movie Saving Private Ryan 1 million times .
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour ( unless you are wacko Michael Jackson ).
You can become the leader of a country with the help of a few soldiers.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can be like comedian Michael Barrymore and put dead fags in your swimming pool.
You can be like Stalin and say "we have deposed the czars of the earth and we shall now dethrone the Lord of heaven."
You can be like Alice Cooper and be the nicest guy in the world playing the worse guy in the world.
You can be a liar and still be US president , just ask Bill Clinton .
You can play with toys all your life and you have no need for a dildo.
You can dress up as a viking and go and yell obscenities at the referee at a rugby stadium while sculling copious amounts of speights nectar.
You can say sexism sucks , when a women loses her job it is tragic , but if a man loses his job then he is a failure.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You can become a fighter pilot in any other country than NZ because the beast Hell Klark doesn't like them .
You can be told by Air New Zealand cabin crew not to sit next to children.
You can reply to the judge at the court house when he asks your occupation "nun".
You can let your ears get hairy without a worry .
You can shit faced at a pub without a hassle .
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can get ready for a important function in 5 minutes .
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
You can put an air brushed fraudulent tax payer funded Smellon Klark pledge card on your trusty dart board ,then you can go down to the local watering hole and hyperbole your mates and boast that it has 9 trillion direct hits as evidence.
You can get shoot a 20 litre paint bucket at 1600 meters after running a Marathon in the nude.
You can be a jackass who pays for his women to have three pets in her life ,a mink in her closet , a jaguar in her garage and a tiger in her bed .
You can hang yourself when the bastards from IRD throw you into the child support extortion feminazi machine .
You can get to sleep at night by counting the amount of bullets you would like to fire into a corrupt feminist cult regime presently destroying a country that you feel very passionate about .
You can become a women if you want just like George and Jacky did .
You can name your pet monkey Tuku, and get a job as judge or the Human Rights Review Tribunal where you can pay homicidal maniacs huge amounts of taxpayer funds for hurt feelings.
You can get police bail after you bludgeon your twin sons on the head with a hammer.
You can shot by police if you lose the plot with a golf club or hammer - do be vigilant those who are golfers and carpenters .
You can blame the dismal downfall of the integrity and moral stature of New Zealand on demented women affected badly by misandry .
No wonder men are happier.